How to Make a Great First Impression

Published by Henrik Edberg March 16th, 2007 in Personal Development and People Skills

First impressions can be quite important.

Everyone stereotypes everyone on first impression, even if we are reluctant to do it.

We all get a first impression of a new person that creates a mental image of his or her personality in our minds.

That image of you often lasts and can affect the relationship that follows.

Another thing is that we often play different roles in relationships. With our parents we play one role, with friends another, with someone we are interested in/in love with a third, when shopping for clothes in a store a fourth. And so on.

A good or great first impression can create a positive role in the minds of the new people we meet. When we meet them again, we are often drawn back into this role. Sometimes it happens almost unconsciously until you after a few minutes notice that you have fallen into your old role – like when you meet friends you haven´t seen in years – in that dynamic once again. You may not always be drawn into that role. But if you do it sure is better to have a positive than a negative role saved for you.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned about improving first impressions. Of course, different environments like business meetings with suits and ties or parties with umbrella-drinks come with different goals and expectations so figure out what´s appropriate and useful in each meeting.

Act as if you are meeting a good friend
If you just imagine that the person you have just met and are talking to is one of your best friends you’ll probably adjust unconsciously and start to smile, open up your body-language to a very friendly and warm position and reduce any nervousness or weirdness in your tone of voice and body-language. Don´t overdo it though, you might not want to hug and kiss right away.

The nice thing about this is that you may also start to feel positive feelings towards this new person, just as you do with your friend when you meet him/her. This is a pretty good starting-point for getting them to reciprocate and for developing a good relationship.

Keep you body language open
Smile. Don’t cross your arms or legs. Turn your body towards the people you’re are shaking hands with or talking to so that your body language is friendly and open. Make relaxed eye contact – don´t stare – when talking or listening. Don´t look the person in the eye all the time. When you break eye-contact try to do it kinda slow, don´t let your eyes just dart away. Making eye-contact can be a bit hard or scary but if you work at it you´ll get used to it.

For more tips, you may want to have a look at 18 Ways to Improve Your Body Language.

Stand up straight
Keeping a good posture certainly improves on the impression one makes. Don´t slouch. Sit or stand up straight.

Be positive
Sometimes you can go in all positive in a first meeting. Sometimes it may not be the best approach to go in too positive as it can be seen as bit abrasive or inappropriate. A better way to convey a positive attitude in a first meeting can then be to read the mood of person(s) before you start talking – by just watching them – and then match it for a short while. Then – when you have an emotional connection and the other person feels you are similar to him/her – you can let your positivity arise a bit more.

Regardless if you start out positive from the get-go or a short, short while into the meeting, be sure to positive. If you, for instance, start a first meeting by complaining, there´s a big chance the people you meet will mentally label you as a complainer or a negative person.

Don’t think too much
Try, as much as possible, to stay outside of your head and focus on the people you are talking to rather than focusing on yourself.

Mentally rehearse before you even enter the room
Visualize how great the events will unfold – see and hear it – and also how great will you feel at this meeting.

See yourself smiling, being positive, open and having a great time. See the excellent outcome in your mind. Then release by visualizing that it has already happened, that the meeting is over with the desired result. This is surprisingly effective and will get you into a great and relaxed mood before even stepping into the first, second or twentieth meeting.

You may also want to check out the ever-popular Do you make these 10 mistakes in conversation? for more information on stuff like listening, hogging the spot-light, what to talk about (and not to talk about) and the very common need to be right.

What you say isn´t that important
I´d say that mental rehearsal followed by acting as if you´re meeting a friend are the most important parts of all of this. They often solve the rest of pointers in this article unconsciously and automatically and keeps your thoughts focused outwards instead of inwards.

The problem with an inward-focused meeting – where you focus on what you just said, how you look and what the other person thinks of you right now – can reduce anyone to a bumbling, second-guessing, fidgeting shadow of their former self as the self-consciousness becomes almost paralyzing.

Also, as long as you try to use the first and the last point it doesn’t really matter too much what word or phrase you use to start the conversation. The words are only 7 percent of your communication. 93 percent is in your tone of voice and your body-language.

So, a simple “Hi!” may do just fine.

How To Make Your Coworkers Love And Respect You

In this economic climate where things are a little uncertain, building and maintaining good, harmonious relationships between your supervisors, colleagues and co-worker may help you create a more enjoyable working atmosphere, and may very well help you keep your job. This article tells us how – Your Real Ed.

Written By Matt S.

Have you ever wished you were more popular at work? Or that you were more respected? When your coworkers love and respect you, it is easier for you to advance your career and enjoy your everyday work life. This article will show you several specific ways to make your coworkers love and respect you.

Don’t Be Annoying
Do you know someone in your office who does something in a certain way that drives everyone nuts? It’s ok if it’s someone else that does these things, but if it’s you, put an end to it. Being perceived as an annoying person can alienate you from your coworkers and make it much more difficult to make them like you.

Have A Sense Of Humor
Everyone enjoys someone that has a sense of humor and is able to laugh at himself. Make sure you have a sense of humor and can enjoy jokes about other people and about yourself. Don’t take things so seriously and try to lighten up a little. This will make you more approachable and more easy to work with.

Keep Your Door Open
If you have an office, keep your door open to welcome anyone who needs help, or wants someone to talk to. If you have a cubicle, your door is already open, so no worries there. Arrange your desk to make yourself more accessible to your office/cubicle entrance.

Don’t Gossip
Don’t waste your time gossiping about other coworkers in a negative way. You can and should talk about your coworkers positively, but never negatively. This can put a strain on relationships that is hard to reverse.

Bring In Food
Whether it’s bagels, donuts, fruit, or sandwiches, food can give your coworkers a little moral boost and give you a chance to meet people you wouldn’t normally encounter. Bring your food in the morning and send an email to your department inviting them to come and eat. Be friendly and say hi to everyone that stops by. Be outgoing and introduce yourself to new people.

Set A Good Example
Set a good example by being on time, working hard, and producing results. Your coworkers will recognize and respect the effort you put into your job. Setting a good example will not only help you earn the respect of your coworkers, but your boss too, which can only lead to more career advancements.

Be More Social Outside Of Work
Get involved in social gatherings outside of work. This can involve going out to eat lunch, going out for happy hour, or celebrating a special occasion with your coworkers. Spending time with your coworkers outside of the office environment will help build stronger bonds and friendships.

Don’t Be Cliquey/Exclusive
There are probably people at work you like more than others, but you shouldn’t restrict yourself to talking to these people. Although it is natural to only associate with people are more comfortable with, you don’t want to give off the impression that you only hang out with certain people. Put yourself out there and talk to everyone you work. There is no need to limit yourself in this area.

Share Yourself And Your Life
Keep pictures of your loved ones, vacations, and pets around your work area. Make sure you are comfortable opening up and telling your coworkers about the important things in your life. Opening up to other people helps you connect with people on a deeper level.

Love And Respect Your Coworkers Too
The final and most important way to make your coworkers love and respect you, is to love and respect them too. The funny thing about love and respect is that they are things that are often times reciprocated by human beings. It’s a natural behavior, so exploit it! Love and respect your coworkers and it will come back to you.

What a Pickup Artist Taught Me about Simple Living

Posted on December 12th, 2008 in Relationships, Simple Living

Written by Sara (On Simplicity, Have less, enjoy more) http://www.onsimplicity.net/

When I found a copy of Neil Strauss’s The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists in my husband’s books recently, I couldn’t decide whether I was horrified or intrigued. This book, which had its 15 minutes of infamy a few years ago, details the story of a self-professed geek who immerses himself in the seduction community and comes out a master pickup artist.  It’s not a pickup guide, though there’s a lot of that in there. And it’s not a moralistic tale, though there’s a lot of that, too. In the end, I was surprised to find the book to be a plea for authenticity–in essence, personal simplicity. There are a ton of different messages you could take away from a book like this, and here’s what resonated with me:

First, meeting and interacting with people is easy. Amazingly easy. Take out the pseudo-hypnotism, the magic tricks, and the canned “routines,” and these pickup gurus have one communication secret: asking another person a question. That’s it.  People of both genders are more than willing to start a conversation with you provided you show a modicum of interest in them. I wouldn’t recommend memorizing fake hypotheticals and asking every person in the room if they believe in spells, but if you want to start a conversation, asking for an opinion on something you’re truly curious about is a simple, effective solution.*

Second, all the stuff in the world can’t make you feel worthy. Not a mansion, not an army of weirdo pickup artist followers, and certainly not a pet wallaby.  (I’m not kidding.) Throughout the book, Strauss shares stories of men (and women) who are looking to be validated. It’s what drives them into the pickup community, and what makes them chase phone numbers and hookups instead of relationships. What they’re really missing, though, is a sense of inner worth and a support system of genuine friends. Everything else (the “number,” the flashy clothes, the nice car, the devotees) is just noise that gets between you and what is truly satisfying. Trying to buy friends and happiness will eventually make you crazy and/or a megalomaniac. I mean, the person who comes off the most “normal” in this book is Courtney Love, who just wants to make everyone lemonade and muffins. Dude.

Finally, you already have everything you need to be happy and complete. The real trick is surrounding yourself with people psychotic enough to make you appreciate it. Many of the pickup artists profiled in the book turned their lives upside down to fit into an appealing lifestyle. They changed their looks, their habits, their mannerisms, their lifestyle, and their way of thinking. (Oh, and they pay a ton of money to other dudes to do so.) And it gave them everything they’d hoped for: friends, women, and a chance to be an alpha male instead of a target. Here’s the kicker: many of them give it all up in the end and gratefully return to the “dorky” lives they once considered inferior. They’d had happiness and contentment all along. They just needed space, and daily episodes from drama-drunk male divas to appreciate it.

I bet everyone is going to have a different reaction to this—what’s yours?

*And apparently, it works especially well if you wear either platform boots, a shirt with an LCD screen, or a pink cowboy hat. Don’t ask me. No one ever talks to me when I wear my pink cowboy hat.

Welcomeack

Hi All, Welcome to our humble abode. This is a site dedicated to people who have the courage to step up and unmask themselves, find their true identity, and work on buillding true relationships based on what’s real. In this blog, we will feature some articles about the art of attraction, charisma, and building relationships. Let us know your feedback about what questions about relationships you have, and we’ll help you source the answers!